February 20, 2011
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Tonight
It's been years since I've felt this way.
Regret. I have so much regret.
I wish I had never fallen in love with you. Because of you, my life was changed. At first, I thought it was for the better. I thought that you showed me a place that only a few would ever get to see. A place where I felt needed. A place where I belonged. A place where I was loved. It was you that needed me. It was by your side where I belonged. And it was you that loved me.
Afterwards, I convinced myself that it was all worth it. Just being able to see that place once, was enough.
It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved before.
That's what THEY say. And for the longest time, I told myself that was the truth. Just for a moment in my life, I really did feel complete. Those were the happiest times of my life. Yet, the years afterward have only been filled with longing and regret.
There hasn't been a day that has passed where I haven't been searching for a replacement. It was like taking a drug. No. A better example would be like seeing paradise.
Take a bird that's been caged their whole life. Hatched in captivity. But caged in a basement, darkness is all that it ever knew. Then one day, you let it free into the bright day above. For the first time in its life it knows light, to fly in the open sky, to know freedom. Instead, a moment later you net it and bring it back into the shadows of the basement inside its cage. At least before the light, it never knew the life of freedom. Now it knows that it will never attain it-- that is true cruelty.
And that was my life.
Most people never get to experience love at such a young age, and it's probably better that way. In any case, your life will be changed, but there's not always a happy ending.
For so long I have been searching for another person to fill what I had lost. I was hoping I could do the same for someone else too. But that person has never come, and I'm still living in darkness.
Things will never be as bright as those happy days I spent with you. My life isn't miserable. I can still smile, and I can still laugh. But my life will never be the same.
Everything will always seem dark in comparison to those shining days.
It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved before.
What a pack of lies.
Comments (4)
The realest of all real talk.
I can't say I've yet felt those regrets you speak of...but that's because I'm telling myself that same story. That in the end, it was all worth it.
Being a very charismatic person...I wonder if I've just been believing myself.
I think everyone has gone through what you have, or still is.
Guess the only thing we can do is cheer up and wait.
Good things comes to people who wait :] x
This is so heartfelt and beautiful.
@The_Luna_Diviner - Keep believing it's all worth it.
It's better that way. really
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