a sight of love photography.

Just some of the pictures of that night. It really was amazing. :] But anyways. Long time. Life has been great as of late. More tomorrow? Probably not. One can hope though. 

So the wedding is coming up soon. Kinda stressed but not really anymore. This song was really stressing me out, but after practice yesterday I feel a lot better. 

Finally tried on the whole suit– shirt, bow tie and all. 

Excuse my weird looking ponytail. haha Check out the party favors too! Mason jars with pistachios! :]

I hope the weather is good Sunday. 

So I was sitting down watching a podcast earlier today when the idea of having a girlfriend popped into my mind. Now to preface this whole rant, I have to admit that for most of my life I had been wholly obsessed with getting a long term girlfriend and doing all the lovey dovey things couples do. Like going on picnics, riding tandem bikes, going on road tips, etc. Anyways, it was just lately that I realized that I didn’t really want a girlfriend at all. I had only fallen in love with the idea of having a girlfriend, but the reality of having one just terrified me. 

The way I describe this fear to people is that I can’t imagine myself having to talk to someone every day. Like having to call them, and listen to them, console them, and all that jazz. I just don’t have the emotional stamina to keep up with all that. The last girlfriend I had lasted three days before I realized that I couldn’t handle the emotional responsibility, and I broke up with her. It was the first time I had ever broke up with someone, and it was horrible, but that’s for another blog post.

So yeah, I was thinking to myself today, “Hey, it’d be kinda nice to have a girlfriend.” Then the fear started to kick in. It’s almost like a mini panic attack. In my mind I’m imagining having a girlfriend and the first think that pops into my head is, “Oh frick, I have to interact with this person on an emotional level everyday from this day onward.” And it just scared the crap out of me. I’m not sure when all this began because even after I came to this realization I still was capable of liking people. I’ve had quite a few crushes and the likes over the past few years, but visualizing in my mind’s eye going out on dates or hanging out with a person constantly drains the energy out of me. Like it’s a chore almost. 

I don’t know, it’s just weird. I’ve had normal relationships before where I enjoyed talking to the person for hours a day, but I just can’t see my self doing that now. I say this genuinely, but being single is great. Now, if Lea said she liked me instead of, “Brother, I’ll pray for you!” I’m not sure how that would’ve gone. Honestly, I had already romanticized in my head webcamming long distance, sending each other video messages, and crap like that, but I wonder, in reality would I have actually enjoyed that? With my last technical girlfriend, we only went out on one date and talked for one hour a day, and I was already fatigued. She came as low maintenance as girlfriends come, and I couldn’t even handle that. 

I still don’t know where I’m going with all this, but I guess I kinda want a girlfriend, then I think about it, and I realize that I definitely don’t. 

Terrifying.

I didn’t do anything for Valentine’s Day (like usual) but my little cousin did facetime with his valentine…

… and then I almost died of cuteness.

So how was your Valentine’s Day? :]

I just finished a The Fault in Our Stars earlier this evening. It was really good, but I think I would’ve appreciated it more if I read it high school as opposed to now. It didn’t exist back then so that wouldn’t even be possible, but I believe my 18 year old self would have resonated more with the book than my 22 year old self does now. 

Either way, it was a good read. I need to read something else, but after browsing amazon for a while, I couldn’t find anything to my liking. 

Recommend a book to me! Please? Fiction would be great. Non-fiction would be okay too. No self-help books, I don’t enjoy those. 

Once I’m done writing this blog I’m going to apply for youth rush. I pray that I get in. 

I’ve been tired a lot lately. Is six hours of sleep not enough anymore? Maybe I should try to sleep earlier. Nothing pleasing happens in the AM. 

–

Just finished my application! I feel awesome!

(Thanks @pk_hotaru for letting me use this!)

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Instead of saying ten things to ten different people, I’m going to change it up a bit.

I’ll still say ten things but only to one person. And that person will be you.

Dear you,

It scares me that we can never talk again.

I just read in a book that Love and Fear are the only two things that truly motivate Us.

We should have never met.

It’s like you’re dead, because you can’t talk to a dead person. But you’re not.

Physically, we’re closer than we’ve ever been. SF isn’t too far.

Death motivates no one but the fear of it does. 

Fear separates any communication between you and me. 

We were 13 years old when it happened.

I don’t love you anymore.

Then, tell me, why do I still have nights like this?

Best wishes,

Me.

—

I tell xanga things I’ll never tell anyone in real life. 

Dye my hair black or that reddish brown color (I can’t decide!)

Also get a hair cut

Buy my suit/get it tailored 

Figure out how to work the Fender PA system thing

Bari Uke

Get a 50mm lens! Maybe a tele zoom as well

Don’t get fat

—

Did more suit shopping with Jeff today. Still couldn’t decide on a suit yet, but it looks like it’s narrowing down slowly! Fixed my camera, ate out for lunch and dinner, and I still need to read my school crap.

Normal weekend! 

Cruising down a hill on a board– there really isn’t another feeling like it. 

Got some new stuff today: wheels, bearings, deck. 

Put it together.

Such is life.

Have you ever wondered what you’re doing with your life?

Sometimes I stare at my biology degree and think about where my life is going. 22 years old and I still have no clue what I’m going to do next. I’m taking a few extra classes this semester, but what after that? I have some ideas of what I want to do, but I’m still so unsure.

For the longest time it was all about med school. Getting a high GPA, getting a good score on the MCAT, getting into med school, becoming a doctor– life was centered around these things. Then I realized I didn’t want to become a doctor. Acceptance letters couldn’t even sway my decision. I did not want to become a doctor. 

So… then what? Were these last four years for naught? As I look at my framed diploma, I feel no sense of satisfaction. No, I just feel the same way I did when I was 18.

Where am I going? Where is my life headed? What am I doing?

Ah, I still don’t know. 

but

I know I love music, I know I love my friends, I know I love my family, and I know I love You.

And I know I need to sleep… because we’re jogging tomorrow. :[ haha

GYC stands for Generation of Youth for Christ. It’s a conference where SDA youth from all over the world get together to worship, grow and learn more about God. Many of my older friends have been to multiple GYC’s but this was my first. This year it was in Seattle. 

First off, I’d like to say that Seattle is a beautiful place. I really loved their public transit system (Link Light Rail) and how everything is so green. They recycle a lot more than Vegas too! I guess the only crappy thing about Seattle was that everything closed so early! In Vegas nothing closes so I guess we’re all spoiled down here. Seriously though, when things start to close at 8 Vegas people will start to trip out! haha

Anyways, we stayed there for five days and six nights, and all I can say is that is was a really great experience. I got to see a lot of familiar friends and meet a lot of new ones too. I’ll just mention a few here, but I met so many people there it’d be hard to talk about them all.

The people I probably grew closest with while on the trip were, ironically, Lea’s friends– Candice, Evet, Stevey, Tia and Ainsley. At first I felt really awkward around them, but eventually, I really came to like them a lot. They all truly love God, and they’re all so young! It’s really crazy but inspiring. I guess the best part about the trip, other than the great lectures and prayer, was seeing all these young people so apt to Christ. When I was 18, I was still wishy washy about God and church and anything that had to do with it. But these kids seem so much resolute than I was at that age. I’ve said this before to certain youth, but I’ll say it again, young people like them really inspire me. Seeing kids pray, worship and studying the Word of God so intensely at such and early age really inspires me in a way nothing else can. I know I’m not old, I’m only 22, but there is a huge gap in maturity between 18 and 22, and I can testify to that. Some of these kids are only 14 or 15 years old. That’s awesomely crazy!

Stevey, Candice, Tia, Evet, Lea

Ainsley is not in this picture but Lea is, and I really don’t need to talk more about her. lol 

I have a lot of other pictures from GYC but I’ll post those when time permits. I will post this picture though, because the shirt from GYC was awesome this year! 

ptl gb pfy all, always