December 28, 2011

  • 5am

    Everyday it gets worse. I honestly don't know how I've been able to live this long. How melodramatic.

    When I say live it's more in the sense of fullness rather than life itself. Living hasn't been the problem. No, living is easy enough. But life itself has been rather dull. The brightness of those days has long since faded, and the dimness of what life is now has only become darker as the days wear on. Truly melodramatic. 

    Haha, how many times must I rehash the same thing before I become satisfied. 

    I'm so very lonely. 

    It seems everything these days reminds me of this loneliness. Some days I even think of running back to her. Yet, I know better than to do that. I wouldn't put her through that again. 

    Still, I am alone. 

    Finding a girlfriend would be easy. Maybe I've set the bar too high? 

    I'm not trying to find a girlfriend. No, I'm trying to find her. And that's when the difficulties arise. Maybe looking for someone with the that mindset is wrong. Maybe that's whats making this so difficult. 

    That can't be right though. 

    It should be that way. It'd be a waste of time to try and look for a girlfriend if you didn't intend for it to go somewhere. Somewhere significant. 

    Anyway, it seems like 5am is becoming my new bedtime. Not good. 

    5am brings with it the twilight-- the most loneliest time of the day. Twilight drains so much out of me. The light that isn't and the night that fades. It's all so confusing for the soul. 

    A very lonely time.

    Well, I guess it fits. To be lonely at 5am. 

    But it seems I'm lonely all the time now, and its only getting worse.

    Not good at all.

    Life hasn't been the same for a very long time.

    That's where I'll end the melodrama for today. 

    I can only take so much.