August 21, 2011

  • Seeing an Ex

    Last night, I went to my best friend's birthday party only to encounter one of my exes. 

    Maybe it's because I haven't seen her in three years, but I felt really apprehensive about the whole thing. I don't talk to any of my exes on a regular basis, and once I break up with a girl, or visa versa, I don't intend to ever see that person ever again. Unless it's by chance or I can't help it, I rather not see any of my exes. Does that mean I'm still affected by the past? I won't lie and say that seeing this particular ex didn't shake me up a bit, but all in all it was a nice meeting. We hung around with a few friends for a whole night, and we talked a bit. It was nice. No malice or bitterness. That's to be expected after three years. I'm just bothered by the fact that I'm so affected by just seeing her. 

    I don't like her. I definitely don't love her anymore, but I do feel a slight twinge of hurt when I think about her. Seeing her must have stirred up some old emotions long buried, and, to be honest, that doesn't bother me at all. What irks me the most is that I even have those emotions to begin with.

    I have no desire to be with her ever again, so why do I feel this painful regret? I know the answer to that question, but I won't write the answer here. I won't write it anywhere. I've made my mistakes, but so did she. 

    In the end, it doesn't really matter. Because I won't see her again, and I'll continue doing what I'm doing. Just looking for one more. 

    Because all I need is one more.