(Thanks @pk_hotaru for letting me use this!)

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Instead of saying ten things to ten different people, I'm going to change it up a bit.

I'll still say ten things but only to one person. And that person will be you.

Dear you,

It scares me that we can never talk again.

I just read in a book that Love and Fear are the only two things that truly motivate Us.

We should have never met.

It's like you're dead, because you can't talk to a dead person. But you're not.

Physically, we're closer than we've ever been. SF isn't too far.

Death motivates no one but the fear of it does. 

Fear separates any communication between you and me. 

We were 13 years old when it happened.

I don't love you anymore.

Then, tell me, why do I still have nights like this?

Best wishes,

Me.

---

I tell xanga things I'll never tell anyone in real life. 

Dye my hair black or that reddish brown color (I can't decide!)

Also get a hair cut

Buy my suit/get it tailored 

Figure out how to work the Fender PA system thing

Bari Uke

Get a 50mm lens! Maybe a tele zoom as well

Don't get fat

---

Did more suit shopping with Jeff today. Still couldn't decide on a suit yet, but it looks like it's narrowing down slowly! Fixed my camera, ate out for lunch and dinner, and I still need to read my school crap.

Normal weekend! 

Cruising down a hill on a board-- there really isn't another feeling like it. 

Got some new stuff today: wheels, bearings, deck. 

Put it together.

Such is life.

Have you ever wondered what you're doing with your life?

Sometimes I stare at my biology degree and think about where my life is going. 22 years old and I still have no clue what I'm going to do next. I'm taking a few extra classes this semester, but what after that? I have some ideas of what I want to do, but I'm still so unsure.

For the longest time it was all about med school. Getting a high GPA, getting a good score on the MCAT, getting into med school, becoming a doctor-- life was centered around these things. Then I realized I didn't want to become a doctor. Acceptance letters couldn't even sway my decision. I did not want to become a doctor. 

So... then what? Were these last four years for naught? As I look at my framed diploma, I feel no sense of satisfaction. No, I just feel the same way I did when I was 18.

Where am I going? Where is my life headed? What am I doing?

Ah, I still don't know. 

but

I know I love music, I know I love my friends, I know I love my family, and I know I love You.

And I know I need to sleep... because we're jogging tomorrow. :[ haha

GYC stands for Generation of Youth for Christ. It's a conference where SDA youth from all over the world get together to worship, grow and learn more about God. Many of my older friends have been to multiple GYC's but this was my first. This year it was in Seattle. 

First off, I'd like to say that Seattle is a beautiful place. I really loved their public transit system (Link Light Rail) and how everything is so green. They recycle a lot more than Vegas too! I guess the only crappy thing about Seattle was that everything closed so early! In Vegas nothing closes so I guess we're all spoiled down here. Seriously though, when things start to close at 8 Vegas people will start to trip out! haha

Anyways, we stayed there for five days and six nights, and all I can say is that is was a really great experience. I got to see a lot of familiar friends and meet a lot of new ones too. I'll just mention a few here, but I met so many people there it'd be hard to talk about them all.

The people I probably grew closest with while on the trip were, ironically, Lea's friends-- Candice, Evet, Stevey, Tia and Ainsley. At first I felt really awkward around them, but eventually, I really came to like them a lot. They all truly love God, and they're all so young! It's really crazy but inspiring. I guess the best part about the trip, other than the great lectures and prayer, was seeing all these young people so apt to Christ. When I was 18, I was still wishy washy about God and church and anything that had to do with it. But these kids seem so much resolute than I was at that age. I've said this before to certain youth, but I'll say it again, young people like them really inspire me. Seeing kids pray, worship and studying the Word of God so intensely at such and early age really inspires me in a way nothing else can. I know I'm not old, I'm only 22, but there is a huge gap in maturity between 18 and 22, and I can testify to that. Some of these kids are only 14 or 15 years old. That's awesomely crazy!

Stevey, Candice, Tia, Evet, Lea

Ainsley is not in this picture but Lea is, and I really don't need to talk more about her. lol 

I have a lot of other pictures from GYC but I'll post those when time permits. I will post this picture though, because the shirt from GYC was awesome this year! 

ptl gb pfy all, always

I'm lazy right now so I'll recount my Seattle GYC trip tomorrow.

I do want to talk about one thing though. It's the thing I've blogged quite frequently about the last few months, and this is probably one of the last blogs I'll ever post about her. To be honest, I'm already pretty fatigued by all of it. And when I was just getting over her, I pulled myself back in... and that leads me to Seattle. 

On new years eve, I finally got the nerve to finally tell her. Of course, it did not go as planned. I did not say everything I wanted to say. I pretty much just said "I like you." and left it at that. 

There was some conversation mixed in, but it all ended with... "Brother, I'll be praying for you!"

So basically it went something like this:

"Hey, I like you!" ---> talktalktalk ---> "Brother, I'll pray for you!"

The end. 

Out of all the responses she could give, she had to give that one. The most ambiguous one. The one that could hurt the most. A simple "No, I don't like you." would have been soooo much easier to take. But she just had to say that. 

I don't know. I want to say more and explain everything that happened, but my hands are cold, and again, I'm lazy. Whatever, she can be with Mark. Or Joseph. Or whomever. I'm just ready to get over all this. 

Happy new year!!!