I've been meaning to write here for quite some time, but life has gotten in the way.

Now that I'm a junior in college, everything is beginning to feel real. I'll graduate from college soon. I'll have to choose what I'm really going to do. I'll have to get a job. And so on and so forth. To be frank, it's all a bit scary. My last few weeks have been filled with school, work, and MCAT prep stuff. For the first few years of college, I kinda just messed around. Went out with friends, screwed around in class, etc. I still got good grades (which is a miracle), but now it feels like I can't do those things. Or rather, it feels like it'd be foolish to keep messing around. I don't know, it's all really stressful. 

It's coming down to the point when I'll have to choose my path-- 

Doctor or Teacher.

My mother is set on doctor, but I'm leaning more towards teacher.

If I choose to the path of a physician, I'll probably move up to Reno, or Cali. I wouldn't be too far from family; it'd probably be a six hour drive either way.

If I choose to become a teacher, I'll probably enter a program where I have to move out of the country. I wouldn't be able to see my family for a few years. But... I think I really want to be a teacher.

Even though nothing has changed, everything will change soon enough.

Hopefully, I'll make a decision soon so my path will be set and my footsteps sure.

Hopefully.

Tonight, a drunk friend called me.

He's in Tennessee right now for college. Apparently, he went to a party, got drunk, and his hall monitor got him back to his room where he proceeded to call me. Drunk dialing I guess.

It's really easy talking to a drunk person. They don't judge, they just talk. So it's easy to talk about things you normally wouldn't talk about.

So I asked him if I should have gone out with Donnabelle.

He said no. He said that I was too good for her. He said I could find someone better. He said that I didn't need to settle.

Honestly, it was kinda surprising hear those things. It was so blunt. Even now, I question my decision, but then I remind myself that it's the other way around. It wouldn't be fair to her if I did go out with her.

Because in my mind I'd just be settling. She's too good for me. She doesn't have to settle.

She can find someone better. 

Cheater.

Looking out over the sea, he took out trinket she gave him.

At first glance, the charm bracelet wasn't anything spectacular. It only had a few charms on it, but as he pressed them against his fingers, he realized what he had given her and what she had given him. So many precious firsts...

Looking out over the sea, he could feel the tide rolling in. 

There was once a beautiful sunset here, but now the night sky contained nothing. The sun that had set was gone, the stars that had dotted the sky were gone, and the canvas of the sky was nothing. It was empty, and the sea was still. She could never take these charms back, and he could never give them back. Yet, she decided to go elsewhere. She cheated.

Cheater.

Looking out over the sea that was his heart, he threw the trinket into the sand. He spat on it. He cursed on it. What great things they had given up just to end up here. What did he do wrong? He gave her those words. He gave her himself. He said he'd stay. He did everything. 

I will never understand what I did wrong.

The boy could see her from afar, but she could not see him. 

She was sitting under the shade of a tall oak tree, her eyes transfixed on something far, far away. Walking closer, he noticed a single yellow flower was held in her grasp. She cradled it with a delicate touch, as the girl began to pluck off the petals, one by one.

Closer still, the boy could hear her recite these words:

he loves me

      He loves me not

he loves me

     He loves me not

Closer still, the boy could see the melancholy on her face.

he loves me

      He loves me not

he loves me

     He loves me not

Closer still, the boy could feel the heartbreak in her voice.

he loves me

      He loves me not

he loves me

     He loves me not

Until there was but one left... 

And to the last petal fell these heavy words:

He loves me not.

Now standing in front of her, the boy knelt down and gathered another yellow flower from the ground. Picking off all the petals but one, he turned his eyes to meet her empty gaze. Gently taking the girl's hand, the boy placed the yellow flower within her slender fingers.

Smiling, the boy spoke to the girl in a silent whisper.

"Won't you try it one more time?"


The girl stared at the flower for a few moments before finally plucking off the petal he had left for her. She began to cry as she spoke the final sentence of the child's game.

"He... loves me..."

The boy nodded.

Yes, I do.

Then he disappeared.

I did some recording today. It was probably the first successful day of recording I've had in a while. Which kinda sucks, because I start work again tomorrow. Who knows if I'll be able to wake up. 

It also snowed today! Vegas weather sure is confusing.

that is all

edit 9:06 am> woke up this morning to this:

my neighbor's house!

Remember, this is the desert so people get really hyped up when it snows. It's been snowing every year for the last few now so it's become less rare... but still! Snow in vegas is always surprising :]

Work was cancelled today too! haaa

One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love? How can I find it?"

His teacher answered, "There is a vast wheat field in front. Walk forward without turning back, and pick only one stalk. If you find the most magnificent stalk, then you have found love."

Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with empty hands, having picked nothing. His teacher asked, "Why did you not pick any stalk?" Plato answered, "Because I could only pick once, and yet I could not turn back. I did find the most magnificent stalk, but did not know if there were any better ones ahead, so I did not pick it. As I walked further, the stalks that I saw were not as good as the earlier one, so I did not pick any in the end."

His teacher then said, "And that is love."

On Thursday I learned how to remove a hard drive from an old, broken computer and put it into a new, working computer. 

So, the hard drive is like the brain of the computer. It basically contains all the files on your it. Plugging in these old hard drives was like taking a peek into my past. Sorta like a time capsule. I found pictures, old homework assignments, quotes, music and a bunch of other stuff I hadn't seen in years. The oldest going as far back as middle school; that'd be more than seven years ago.

That's a really, really long time! Strangely enough, it felt as if I was looking at different pieces of me. Me from 2004. Me from 2005. Me from 2006. Me from 2007. Me from 2008.

And it looks like I have changed. My interests have changed, my tastes in music have changed, and my personality has changed. Yet, there are a few things that have stayed constant, even through all this time. 

I still like anime. Less now than before, but I still like anime. Most of the songs I have from around 2005-06 are anime related. Here's one of the songs I dug up from around that time:

I still take some pretty weird photos (christmas circa 1995?):

I still love Kare Kano. My favorite anime of all time:

I still listen to kpop. Always and forever! (lets go old school... Shinhwa!):

I still save the most stupid quotes. 2004:

“If I had one wish, MinJi, I would wish for me not to have fallen in love with you, so that I wouldn't have to go through so much pain and torture every day. You don't know this, but I die a little bit each time I see you smile at another guy, your whole being radiating with happiness…knowing that you would never smile at me like that, knowing that you'd probably never be mine.”

-Some random korean fanfic

And there's still... you.

--

Happy 2011!!! :]

Christmas was great.

I got a bunch of boxers.

this one glows in the dark! lol

and some poptarts! yumm :]

sleep now... zzzzzzzzz

I hope everyone else had a great Christmas too!

I saw her reindeer car again today.

Apparently she works at one of the fly labs. Which is interesting and almost poetic in a way.

We talked a bit and from just that I'm pretty sure I know I like her.

But hey, feelings are fleeting; I'll probably find a deal breaker that'll make me not think I like her.

Pessimism at it's best! haha

--

omgpop at work :]

You're driving me crazy.

Anyway, today was a pretty normal day. It's been raining since Sunday and that still hasn't let up today. Made work a little less enjoyable, but it wasn't so bad.

I got my new phone today! Nothing really fancy in comparison to those smartphones everyone has nowadays, but to me it's really fancy!

I wanted to get the purple one, but they ran out, so I had to settle for the blue one. Oh well :[

Other than that, today was pretty normal. Going to BWW later to eat with the guys and Nicole... maybe. ahh... what am I going to do her.

update later?