Soulmate

Everyone has thought out the possibility of having one. It really is a romantic thought... a very attractive idea. To think you have someone out there who is perfect for you is a comforting idea, but most people don't believe in soulmates anymore. As we age and grow more cynical, such romantic possibilities begin to fade. Multiple failed relationships... multiple heartbreaks... they all begin to pile up, and while reviewing this list of failures one question begs to be answered:

"Do I truly have a soulmate?"

Maybe it's just me, but I grew up being that hopeless romantic. I remember being no older than five, wishing to the stars to find my special someone-- my soulmate. It could have been all the disney movies I watched when I was a kid, I really don't know, but somewhere deep inside myself, I believed I had a soulmate.

Somewhere out there, she was surely waiting. 

But too many times I thought I had the right answer only to come out with nothing. No soulmate, and yet another piece of myself given away. 

I read a blog earlier today suggesting that we have multiple soulmates. That the failed relationships in our lives are there to teach us. Those failed soulmates are there to prepare us for our one true soulmate.

I couldn't disagree more.

While it may be true that my past relationships have taught me so many things, I believe that if people could choose, they would want their first love to be their only love. Didn't we all think that our first love was going to be our last love?  

So isn't it true that when we fall in love we wish and we hope that this love will be the last. That the looking is over, and that this person is the one-- the soulmate we have been looking for.

That's why I think everyone believes in soulmates to some degree. The romantic thoughts of youth haven't left me completely. I am cynical, and I am bitter. The failures of the past are piled up right in front of my face and they all tell me that she doesn't exist. 

She surely doesn't exist. 

Still... I do believe.

I know I've always believed. No matter how delusional, no matter how absurd, I've always believed. It that foolish? Am I stupid?

It doesn't really matter, because I'll still believe. It's all I have. Ever since I looked up at those stars, it's all I've ever wished for. I might be too embarrassed to say it aloud, and I might be too old to have such a immature wish, but it's always been my hope.

To find you.

And maybe someday I will, because you must exist. Surely, she must exist.

Please, tell me you exist.

Soulmate

cause I hate it.

xanga is all I have, and xanga is all I need.

that is all

Instead of cali and the beach, we stayed in vegas and went to a mountain. Not really the same as the beach... but it was still nice. :]

trees...

more trees...

And the reward at the end of the hike!

Mary Jane Falls :]

And for some relative size... (I'm that red thing in the corner) haha

I don't remember it. 

But I remember so many things. I remember...

The time we waited underneath that tree together, waiting for the rain to stop. I remember how you looked up. How you stared at me. And those eyes. The warmth of that hug as we stood underneath our tree. I remember.

Our first dance. That homecoming couldn't be forgotten. Your white and black lace dress. How dazzling you were. I remember it.

That Christmas. The gifts given. And that smile. How I remember that smile. I still remember it.

The first kiss. Sitting on the bench, roles reversed. You stood. Looking, staring, smiling. At me. Bending over to reach for that... first kiss. How could I forget? I will always remember it.

But that last ... I don't remember it.

That last kiss. 

No

I don't remember it. 

Repeat each step for the next final. 

I can't take this.  I think my brain died.

She was straddling the stone wall she was sitting on. Her focus was somewhere far off the in the distance, as dusk was beginning to wax into the warm embrace of evening, but I really couldn't pinpoint something that was wrong with the picture in front of me. 

Looking away at something else, she would encapsulate the feelings in her heart, and take those with her to a place far, far away. I could tell because I did the same thing myself sometimes. To take a moment and appreciate the beauty of life. That's what she was doing. 

I knew there wasn't anything wrong with the picture in front of me. Swinging her legs back and forth, her hair wandering through the wind, the last hints of sunlight touching her cheek... nothing wrong with this picture. 

Running up to her, I decided to enter the frame and say something I'd never say.

She heard my footsteps and turned her body to look at me. Leaning my arms on the same stone wall, I looked up into her eyes.

A smile flashed across her lips, and the words I spoke played through the air.

"너는 너무 예쁘다."

And it ended with a...

Got free Fuku today! The school paid them ($4500!) to come to our school and give us free food. It looks like they held some sort of free food thing everyday this week because it's study week. Pretty nice of them! 

It was really good, but free food always tastes better anyways. 

Tea Station is the place to be yo. Asians + Boba = <3

Randon - ?

Debbie - Almond Tea

Debbie avoiding the paparazzooo!

Bryan - Green Tea with Green Tea ice cream

Kenneth - Thai Tea; Phil - Mango Snow Ice

Me - Honeydew Snow Ice :]

I believed that arranged marriages were something of the past. Things that happened when my parents were my age and that love stories involving such a thing were basically extinct. 

Now, I'm not going to bash on arranged marriages or anything in this post. Statistically, they have a lower divorce rate than non-arranged marriages, and I'm sure there are plenty of arranged marriages that end up well enough. That being said, I kinda assumed that arranged marriages didn't happen anymore. Sure, they might happen somewhere in Asia or the middle-east were things might still be a bit different, but definitely not in America. 

That's what I assumed until my best friend told me his girlfriend just met her fiancée, the man she was arranged to marry.

At first, I was incredulous. This wasn't an asian drama. This was real life! Stuff like this didn't happen in real life. But as I saw the genuine concern grow on my best friend's face, I realized that this was no joke. 

The marriage was set, and there was no way out. And so I asked what anyone else would've asked: "Well, why can't she just say no? Why can't you two just run away and be together?"

But I knew that wasn't even a possibility. Unlike an asian drama, running away and eloping probably wouldn't be the best idea. She would be estranged by her family, and he would have to give up school and get a job. While it might sound romantic to do just that, it wasn't realistic. She couldn't live with him since because his parents would never allow it and in the end, we're still just kids. Older kids, but kids nonetheless. Money was still an object. They would have to find a place a to live and find a way to pay the bills. School and jobs don't mix so they would probably have to quit school too.

It just wasn't realistic. 

So the only conclusion was, she would get married and they would have to break up. And that's how it stands at this moment. He told me this news a few months ago, but it's something that I think about quite often.

They're still together now, but her official engagement ceremony is still set to happen later this year. Seeing them today, they looked like a normal happy couple. Messing around with each other, laughing and having fun. But they both know what they have is only a temporary thing. 

Soon she'll be married, and that'll be the end of the story.

Because this isn't an asian drama. There will be no happy ending. 

I could find someone to play this duet with me. 

Whenever I play it alone I get really aggravated! All that practice for nothing... lol

Funny thing is, I know the girl in the video. The irony.