I'm lazy right now so I'll recount my Seattle GYC trip tomorrow.

I do want to talk about one thing though. It's the thing I've blogged quite frequently about the last few months, and this is probably one of the last blogs I'll ever post about her. To be honest, I'm already pretty fatigued by all of it. And when I was just getting over her, I pulled myself back in... and that leads me to Seattle. 

On new years eve, I finally got the nerve to finally tell her. Of course, it did not go as planned. I did not say everything I wanted to say. I pretty much just said "I like you." and left it at that. 

There was some conversation mixed in, but it all ended with... "Brother, I'll be praying for you!"

So basically it went something like this:

"Hey, I like you!" ---> talktalktalk ---> "Brother, I'll pray for you!"

The end. 

Out of all the responses she could give, she had to give that one. The most ambiguous one. The one that could hurt the most. A simple "No, I don't like you." would have been soooo much easier to take. But she just had to say that. 

I don't know. I want to say more and explain everything that happened, but my hands are cold, and again, I'm lazy. Whatever, she can be with Mark. Or Joseph. Or whomever. I'm just ready to get over all this. 

Happy new year!!!

... but sometimes it doesn't.

I'm slowly forgetting about you.

How you talked.

How you laughed.

How you smiled.

That isn't weird, is it? We only spent one weekend together so it shouldn't be.

Then you say something weird like you love me. As friends? As something more?

I don't even know anymore, and I'm trying to decide whether or not I care.

Because distance does make the heart grow fonder.

But sometimes...

it just makes the heart forget.

I was going to write a long entry tonight but it's already past midnight, and I have an exam tomorrow! So I'll save that long post for later.

Here's something a bit shorter! 

We sang karaoke two Saturdays ago with the youth pastor candidate. Just this last Saturday it was made official that the 'candiate' portion would be dropped! So we finally have a youth pastor. :] ptl

The girl in the orange is Kelly. She's very cute! I hope I get to see her again sometime.

My brother is in the background being a doofus.

And karaoke is fun! 

So is life.

Made this for my friends the other day for their save the date! It was so funny to be there while they shot their photos, and equally as fun to make this video. If I can get a hold of the final photo I'll be sure to post it up here. It's really cute!

Their save the date theme was two marathoners running to the altar. Instead of their registration number, their save the date day was on printed on the bib: 3.10.13.

If I ever get married, I'd be really awesome to do something cute like this.

In other news... there is no other news! Thanksgiving was fun. Black Friday was me sleeping. And Saturday's party was fun as well. Bought some cyber monday stuff though. Maybe I'll do a post on that when all my crap comes in.

On the Princess Lea front... nothing new either. I guess I'll see her in Seattle and tell her then. 

"Hey, I like you."

"Sorry, I don't like you in that way."

"Okay, cool."

Then I can finally put this behind me.

That is all! 

I really don't like it when people don't respond to messages. 

I really, really don't like it. 

It makes me feel like we're playing a game. The heart longs for what it can't have, and when you respond readily I feel like I could let you go so easily. But when you leave me hanging... that's when I go crazy. You probably aren't doing it on purpose because you're not that type of gal, but it still drives me up the wall. In reality, you probably just don't care enough to respond. I thought it was going so well too. Questions on both sides, I even tried to end the conversation but you continued it on your own accord. So I thought maybe there was progress. 

Wrong again, I guess.

Liking a girl is difficult. When I was younger, I used to revel in the process of liking a girl. The anxious moments and nervous feelings-- it was all a rush no matter how things turned out. It's a bit different now. Crushes, likes, and girlfriends have all come and gone, and I'm left feeling fatigued by it all. It's nice to like a girl, sure, but it's even better to know that what you're doing is going both ways and is not one sided. 

But all I do is ramble. 

I need to stop liking you because it's unhealthy. My mind is going crazy and my heart doesn't like to be toyed with.

Whatever, i'm so melodramatic.

I haven't done anything for halloween in maybe five plus years. I think the last time I trick or treated was during my sophomore year of high school. Back then halloween was actually cold in vegas. The last few years it's been in the low 70's and that's just really weird for this time of year. I mean, tomorrow is November already! Time really flies. In a few minutes the holiday season will begin in full swing, and the end of the year will come along quickly with it. 

Anyways, I didn't do anything for halloween this year either. I didn't even hear a single kid knock at the door, which is really strange. I guess it isn't too weird with halloween falling on a Wednesday this year. The closest thing I had to a halloween celebration was watching Paranormal Activity 4 with the boys last Saturday. On that note, here's my obligatory blog picture (because this entry would be so bland without one): 

This was snow ice at a place called icy juicy. It's really different than the snow ice I've had at other places. I'm used to snow ice being a smoothie kind of thing, but I guess it was alright. The actual snow ice that the fruit was covering was a little too sweet for my tastes.

Other than that, nothing new really has happened. I talked to Lea a bit, but I'm really trying to temper any feelings I have for her. If I didn't try to do that at least, I'd probably go crazy.

GYC is two months away; gotta get ready!!!

One message is all it takes, and I'm in it again.

Gosh, there's just something about you. Something amazing that I can't get enough of. I thought I finally got over this. I thought I was finally able to think rationally about you.

We spent ONE weekend together. In reality, we probably talked for only a few hours. And in reality, were those few hours enough to fall for someone? 

I really don't know a thing about you.

I know your name.

I know your face.

I know your birthday.

I know that you have two brothers and you love cats.

I know that your mom lost her job recently.

I know you have a Canon dslr.

I know you're vegan.

I know you're at Weimar. 

And... what does that all add up to? I might know another dozen random facts about you, but where does it all lead? Somehow it lead me to like you. Still, this is all so frustrating. 

It's always like this, isn't it? The person that you like the most, doesn't ever like you back. Maybe that's not always the case, but in my life it has been. Haven't we all had a special someone we liked so much knowing that it could never work out?

But why can't this work out?

Because you're too far.

There is a physical distance.

There is a spiritual distance.

And there is an emotional distance.

In other words, you're hundreds of miles away.

In other words, I'd bring you away from God.

In other words, you don't like me.

I haven't told you how I feel, and I know I should have that one weekend we were together. I chickened out though, and now I'm regretting it more than ever. If I just had another chance, I know I'd take it in a second. 

But here I am again. One message is all it takes, Lea.

I like you, I like you, I like you.

Yeah, I'm in it again. I'm in it again.

First, the bad stuff.

I got a flat tire today. Thankfully Bryce was with me at the time, and with his help, we were able to change the flat for the donut. Made an appointment at discount tires for tomorrow. 233 dollars later, I'll have two new tires! But I'm shot by the money gun again! :[ 

Good thing I got paid today! 

So starts the "Good things" part of this blog.

Midterms are finally over.

No midterm for Stats.

Got an A on my music theory midterm!

Vocal midterm went well too!

Virology went as expected... haha hopefully a B? 

But after my virology exam, it felt like a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. It felt like I could fly!

But of course, that's impossible... lol

(i looked so ridiculous doing this in the middle of campus lol)

Screw you.

Ah... I'm just overly sensitive. And I thought I took care of that a long time ago. Anyways, who cares! You're just an internet friend. You're not a real life friend. I've never met you. You shouldn't mean anything.

...

Why do I care then? I dont know... but the fact is, I do care.

Do you like me as a friend? Do you think my writing is worth reading? Do you find me interesting enough to stick around? I care about all these things.

Sure, you're an online friend, but you're still a friend. I don't have a lot of real life friends to begin with so is it weird to count online friends among your "real" ones? Is that dumb of me? I don't know. Even if our interaction is limited and we only get glimpses of each others lives, I still care about you as a friend. 

Ah, whatever. Why am I getting so worked up over such a little thing. I'm hopeless. 

I've known these people for 12 years. Some of my best friends. It's crazy to think about all the stuff we've been through.

Randon was my first friend in middle school. Bryan was the best friend I almost never had. Mai and I were enemies, then friends, then carpool buddies, then best friends. And Stevan... as I told you the other day, you're my Mexican best friend. haha

It's nice to have people that you've known for so long. Even though I don't talk to them everyday, whenever we do get together, I discover that nothing has changed. We're all still best friends. 

We went to middle school together.

We went to high school together.

We went to college together.

In a year or so that will change, and our streak will be over. Still, I'm sure whenever we get together nothing will have really changed. 

Nope. It will all be the same. 

and laughter will ensue